Saturday, June 19, 2010

It was...Soap Posioning!

I love that scene in A Chistmas Story when Ralphie dreams of getting back at his mom for shoving soap in his mouth. The revenge? Ralphie goes blind. Doesn't really seem like a smart plan on Raphie's part, but as a kid you do have these fantasies.
Maybe Stella sat there one day after a bath and thought, "I'll show her..." because-
my dog is going blind.
Yes. On top of all the lovely qualities she garnered from the Chinese Crested breed, Stella also inherited glaucoma. I noticed something was wrong when her eyes looked really buggy. But her eyes were always buggy. They just seemed...extra buggy.
Then she would cry. All the time. For a week straight. I thought she was just - hell - I don't know what I thought.
Then her right eye swelled shut. We thought Trevor's tail must have smacked her, since his butt is eye level to her.
Then her pupils wouldn't dilate.
Then her eyes turned dark blue and cloudy.
I took her to the HSMO that next Monday. They checked her pressures. Pressures? She just got hit by a tail; throw some ointment on the bill and let's get out of here.
Apparently,  I was wrong. Her eye pressure should be at 15 for each eye...she was at 67 and 87 left to right. My heart dropped. She was crying because of the blinding migraines. The pupils were big because the nerves in her retina were being squeezed. I was the worst mommy in the world.

The HS vet gave her some eye drops and recommend a specialist - a doggie opthamalogist.
I spent the next week just staring at my dog.Staring and praying. Praying and staring.
We went to the MVRC (Midwest Veterinary Referral Center) for her eye doctor appointment.  They did all sorts of weird tests on her, sticking her with things, rubbing things on her eye ball, putting contact lenses in her eyes. She just sat there and let herself be prodded. On her chart she has a permanent note, "Very sweet patient." Darn right she is.
After all of that, the doctor came in an told me that while her pressures were coming down, she needed more medicine, she was already partially blind, and she would eventually go completely blind.
The room spun.
I said in what could have been a weak voice or me shouting, I don't know, "Is there a bathroom around here?"
I went in an laid on the tile of the bathroom in an effort to not pass out. I didn't pass out. I just threw up.
I calmed down a little bit and went back in the room.
He kept talking. His words blurred together. "make her comfortable" "pain free" "euthanasia"
What the hell? What had happened? Two weeks ago, she was fine!
Buzz. Wrong. Thanks for playing. This was embedded in her DNA. It was inevitable. My baby was born to be blind. Now I just had to figure out what to do.
My choice? Panic and cry.
My life would never be the same.

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